Graduation - Vitamin C

Yezza... Sooo busy sampai x de masa nak blogging. Letih weyh but i enjoyed it. Tak mau complain banyak2. So for the past few weeks, ive been busy with assignments, quizzes and mid term since its the middle of the semester so basically this is what every students gotta face. Busy busy busy sampai jadi skema jap. Hahaha. Tambah pulak skrg tgh bulan puasa, oohhh memang letih gila. Tapi happy jugak cuz business cornflakes aku mmg menguntungkan. I dont mind spending hours in the kitchen mase weekend buat cornflakes cuz its worth it. Senang2 je dapat untung. Cheh, planning nak simpan duit ni so that i can go to L.A and N.Y. Hahaha, insyallah. Sapa yang gelak kan aku tu, siap lah! Kalau aku dapat sampai sana jugak, ha wutcha gonna say? Malu x? Hehe.

Anyway, this is my final semester in UIA insyallah. Sedih cuz dah nak tinggalkan kawan2 UIA. Omg, 4 tahun rase kejap sgt plak. Masa last day of school in Assunta, aku mmg x bole nak dengar lagu Graduation by Vitamin C cuz lagu tu sedih sgt. Sumpah akan nangis bila dgr. Tapi skrg dah ada kekuatan nak dgr. Hahaha, but seriously lagu ni mmg berhantu la. Rasa meremang bila dengar. Lirik dia sedih la. :(

And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives

Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day
Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of that night in June
I didn't know much of love
But it came too soon
And there was me and youAnd then we got real blue
Stay at home talking on the telephone
And we would get so excitedand we'd get so scared
Laughing at ourselves thinking life's not fair
And this is how it feels

As we go on
We rememberAll the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
From whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever

So if we get the big jobs
And we make the big money
When we look back now
Will our jokes still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Can Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?
I keep, keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels


La, la, la, la:
Yeah, yeah, yeah
La, la, la, la:
We will still be friends forever

Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly

I just hope that i can still stay in touch with them no matter how far we go and how high we fly :(

Positive energy!

Last week, i dont know why. The moment i was driving my car back home last Thursday, i cried my eyes out thinking about my life. On that time, aku terfikir balik what kind of life im having right now. I've started comparing my life with others and i cried a river! Damn im so jealous with all the people who gets to live the way i want to live. On that night, i couldnt sleep. I cried again. Then suddenly, i dont know how it happened. I recall back what happened to me when i was 17.

Its not like i have a very rough terrible teenage years, but i have problem living on that time. Ade je yang x kena time tu. Hormones problem i guess. Well, aku teringat balik mase form 5 tu, i have trouble sleeping at night. Crying for no reason. Screaming like no one is hearing. But of course i screamed to my pillow so that nobody will wake up in the middle of the night. When im tired of crying, then only i can sleep. Its like something that i have to do at least once a week.

And now im almost 23 and im still crying at night for no reason. Its been almost 6 years. My life is still the same. Still a very unhappy girl. Then i said to myself, if i continue acting like this, by the time i turn 30, i will regret to the max thinking about the fact that ive wasted my life crying for not having the life that i wanted. So i guess, instead of waiting, i gotta start living. I mean, i gotta start loving the life that i have right now and stop comparing my life with others. I should just be happy for what i have got and not asking more than i should get.

The next morning, suddenly im cured!

Happy with what ive got or at least im trying to be happy. I gotta stop complaining cause it doesnt give me any good except it can harm me of course. So last weekend, i had a good time spending with my family and just be happy with my life. I even updated my facebook status saying that im wearing a new attitude. And i am! Its been 3 days now and i know that deep down i love this new attitude. I can actually overcome my insecurity, my jealousy and all the bad things that i possessed. Hopefuly this attitude will last long.

Before this, it really pissed me off when i saw how happy people are or how they pretended to be happy. Some of them looks like they never have any problem at all. Always posting a happy status, happy comments and pictures and i started to wonder whether it is true or they are just trying to portray to the world how happy they are even when they are not. It really bugs me. But then again, if we're not happy about something deosnt mean we have to show it to the world right? doesnt mean that we have to be angry at the world. Instead of blaming others, i prefer to blame myself and just move on.

Theres a saying that say you cant change your beginning but u can always make a good ending. I couldnt agree more. What done is done. Tomorrow is a gift that is waiting to be unwrap. All i want right now is just to be the best person i can be and just enjoy the journey and being happy. I know that obstacle will come eventually and i gotta face it no matter what. Maybe when u try to portray that you are happy even when you are not, i guess you will be happy eventually. Its not that bad right? Look at me now? Im not that happy but i will always try to remain positive and hope for the best. When you have a strong faith, i guess that will bring you happiness. At least a little.

Juz sing like no one is listening.

Juz laugh your ass off like no one is judging.

Sleep at night with a smile on your face.

Wake up in the morning with a positive energy to start the day.

Insyallah everything will be fine. Faith is like my bestfriend now. It keeps me grounded and i like it that way.

p/s : I know that one day it will be my turn to shine :)

*^&%^$$@!!! Emo mode...

Nothing much, nothing interesting happened for the last few days. Im lost lately. Have u ever feel like u are so sad and moody and when people asked you whats wrong, u dont know what to tell them cause u dont even know the main reason why u're so sad. Thats what happening to me lately. Sometimes im ok, and sometimes im seriously not in a mood. I just dont know whats wrong with me and why im so sad. Im mad at the same time.

This semester is my final semester insyallah and i dont want anything more but i just want this sem to be fun and cool. But its not! The subjects are boring, the lecturers bla bla bla, and my group mates sux and my classmates are boring. I dont want to be too negative. Ive tried to tell myself that i should enjoy it to the max no matter what but i failed. Every morning, its so damn hard for me to wake up. As if like i have no good reason to wake up. The moment when i lay on my bed and about to sleep at night, im so happy cause i can relax my mind. I dont know why but lately i slept a lot. Ive gained 3 kg in 2 months! Grrrr. Ive tried to be the girl who is never obsessed about her weight but i cant. My current weight now is 48. So much for my new year resolution to get 43 kg by the end of this year. But its okey, Ramadhan is coming and usually my weight will drop 3 kg after the Ramadhan. Of course i have to skip the sahur. Hehehe.

So many things going on in my mind right now. Sometimes the only way for me to still be alive is that i laugh at the silliest thing. When i feel like im about to break down, i will try to recall back anything that will make me laugh and i end up laughing alone. Hey, at least it can cure me for few hours, or minutes. Maybe the reason that i cant enjoy my final semester is that i have to face the fact that by the end of this year, my life will change. I dont even know whether to continue my study or work. And even if i want to continue my master, where will it be? Do i have the guts to study in oversea for a year? Should i continue my study in uia since ive known all the lecturer or should i work cause i have no experience at all. Damn, how i wish somebody or something will enlighten me so that at least i know what to do or which path to choose. I cant believe its my final semester now. Im gonna miss uia. Okey, one more reason to be emotional! Damn.

P/s : I gotta find a great quote to cheer me up. A.S.A.P!!!

Brooklyn bridge.

Before i turn 30, i wanna drive a convertible car all through Brooklyn bridge in New York City at night while listening to 'Dancing in the dark' by Bruce Springsteen. That will be my dream. Something that i really wanted to do before i reach my 30's. But i know that it wont be easy. I need like lots and lots of cash before it actually happen. The bridge is so beautiful especially at night. Juz look at the picture. How can u not like it?

Agak poyo la kan smpi kereta yang aku nak drive pun yang convertible. Haha. Of course la. Gila style bawak kereta mcm ni at night with all the city lights and stuff. If i made it to New York, i'll try me very best to find this kind of car and sewa just for few hours or maybe one whole day just to make it happen. Gila style kan. Kalau J.lo dalam video clip 'Love dont cost a thing' rambut dia terbang2 drive kereta ni, kalau aku yang drive, tudung aku la yang terbang2. Gile cool. Rasenye i'll be the first woman yang pakai tudung naik convertible car kat Brooklyn bridge! Hooo yeah!

Maybe some people mostly dont know who is Bruce Springsteen but he's one of the pop singer back during the 80's. I have no idea why i just love this song. Check it out!

I love it ever since the first time i heard it. Such a fun song and the beats totally resemblance and will remind you of the 80's. The sound of it is soooo 80's pop music which i love it. Everytime when i drive my car alone at night, i always listen to it and i still remember how happy i am when i listened to it at night. Sometimes, there are things that u juz cant explain. Especially when it comes about feeling. But thats exactly how i felt. Owh, and the girl dancing on the stage before the song end is Courteney Cox. Isn't she cute? She's so young here and the way she danced with Bruce, oh my god! They look so damn happy. As if like there's no problem at all and all they do is singing and dancing all through the night without worrying about anything. Hehe, what do i know? hahaha...

I know that it wont be easy to achieve it. It takes time, money and courage to make it happen. Even if it happen when im 35, im still happy. But im not saying that i wont be happy if my dreams wont come true. At least i know that i have dreams and i've work my ass off trying to achieve it. Kalau ada rezeki, insyallah sampai jugak aku kat sana with my convertible car, and Bruce Springsteen song. :)

p/s : Is it to early to think what to wear on that day and what color of my tudung that i will choose? hehehe :)

German gempaq dowh!

Yeah, as stated up there, German mmg giler gempak la this time punya world cup. Mmg unexpected! Agak bengang la cuz diorg kalahkan England 4-1. Unbelievable! Aku tgk match yang England lawan German tu mase kat rumah. Actually tgk yg delay punya. So i forced myself not to look at my handphone cuz i might know the result before the match. Giler spoil la kan kalau dah tau sape menang awal2.

Mase dah masuk gol ke-2 from German, mmg aku dah x de mood nak tgk dah. Then my brother in law ckp, ala relax la, banyak masa lagi. Then bila England buat gol jgk, ok, baru semangat balik! haha. But too bad, x sempat nak kasi seri, German buat lagi 2 gol! Giler tension! Arrgghhh.Mmg rase nak mengamuk k. Serious! X pe, England tetap di hati! hahahah :)

After the game, aku dah agak dah sure like banyak giler sms in my hp nak ngutuk england and im damn right! Sakit hati bace ok. Then i forced myself to sleep tapi terlalu bengang smpi x bole tido. So i woke up and watch movie 'Shes out of my league'. Hmm, not bad. End up, i slept around 4 am. I swear to god, mmg confirm dalam facebook sure byk giler notifications mengejek aku. damn! x sanggup nak buka.

The next morning, bgn je tido terus buka facebook. Wut to do, dah jadi rutin pagi2. haha. Omg! smua org la nak serang facebook aku. Sakit hati weyh baca smua org ckp england dah kalah. Panas je. Smpi Sir Johanni pun boooooo kat Rooney! Damn. Hate to admit but German mmg bagus la. Smpi Argentina pun bole kalah! They are good at passing the ball. At first aku nak support German, then bila baca Lahm ckp England x hormat German terus aku panas. Since when England kluar statement mcm tu. Terus la aku support Argentina. Ahahaha

Too bad, kalah lagi! This time 4-0. Lagi teruk dari England. But at least people wont talk shit bout England lg after this. Yeay! Hehe. That 20 year old Mueller mmg bagus la! Mase lawan England pun dia yang gol kan. Too bad, kena yellow card plak so he wont play against Spain for the Semi final. Heh, ade chance Spain nak menang beb! Great! Villa do your thang! Omg, Fabregas is super cute ok when he hugged Villa. Hmmm, im smiling right now. Cant wait for the semi final.

Hopefuly Spain will win.

Ole ole ole!!!

Hello everyone! its been awhile since the last time i update my blog. Been busy with my practical training and i dont know what to blog about but.... since now, is the world cup fever, i have so many things to tell u. Hehehe. First of all, im a loyal fan of England of course. Always was and always will! Im a bit frustrated that my man, Michael Owen didnt join it this time but its okey. England still have Rooney, Aaron, Lampard, Terry and Gerrard.

Im a bit disappointed when i watched the two games. Especially England vs Algeria. Man, not even one goal! But its ok. Tonight England will play against Slovenia. Many people predicted that England will go down tonight but im still gonna watch it! hopefuly they will win big tonight! Miracle do exist huh? ehehehe

World cup is only 4 years once so when the time has finally come, all football lover are so excited about it. They dont mind to stay up late at night just to watch their favorite team play. Including me. Especially im doing my practical now and i have some time to watch it at night.

I still remember the first time i actually watched it. It was in 2002 and i was 15 that time. Actually im not a big fan of football actually but i still remember what makes me like it until now. On that time, im still dating with my ex boyfriend and he's my first boyfriend. His name is Haziq. We usually see each other at the MPPJ national library. That was like our official spot to date. Nerd!! hahaha. Then obviously when i was there, i never study. I mean not all the time. So, when the World cup was on tv live, me and haziq and some of his friends and my friends went to the cafe to watch it together. At first i just followed them without any intention to actually watch it but later, i find it very exciting to watch. So that was the first time i support England and Michael Owen.

The next world cup was on 2006 and i was 19 that time. I was still studying in matric uia that time. And i still remember the final match, Italy vs France was at night and the next day is the first day of new semester. That night i was in matric and i taught i will miss it cuz theres no way the cafe will still open at 2 in the morning. So, feeling frustrated that i cant watch the final game, i went to sleep. Then one of my roomate woke me up in the middle of the night and she said that people are watching the game at the field from the big screen. I jumped from my bed, wore my jubah and tudung and i grabbed the newspaper for me to seat, then i went to the field. Theres like hundreds of student there sitting and enjoying the game and too bad i missed the first half but its better than nothing right? So i sat there with Azah, my roomate and we both support France and that was the time when Zidane headbutt incident happened during the extra time. It was loud and its getting wild when Italy finally won the World cup. Everyone are jumping and running like crazey! It was fun! i still remember it until now!

And now the world cup has finally come again and believe it or not im 23 now! Argh, im old! if only the world cup is an annual event! hahaha! so the next time when i watch it, i'll be......27? damn u numbers! This year, no Owen, no Beckham, no Ferdinand. Shit lah! but i still watched it and im excited to watch it tonight.

Speaking of that, damn i hate it when people telling me that im too childish to watch football that i only watch it just to see all the hot player. So wut? who are they to tell me what i can do and what i cant? Yes, i admit that i dont know anything about football. Zero knowledge about the game. The things that makes me love to watch it because of the quality time that we can spend together with family and friends when we watch it. I love the environment when everyone are excited about it. The fact that people are willing to wake up at night to watch it. The anxious feeling when u watched it. Thats why i like it. So screw u people who said that. Like u are so pro to talk about it. Oh yeah, i cant wait to see Brazil lose this time! hahahahahah

p/s : Finger cross! England do your 'Thang!'

Diary

Last night, i got nothing else to do but im not sleepy yet. So, i decided to read my old diaries. I mean really old. As early as im 14 years old. So, basically diary tu dah almost 10 years. Mase baca tu ade la gelak sorang2 cuz teringat balik zaman jahilliyah. So many funny things happened that i jotted it down. But one thing that i hate when i read my diary is, it reminds me back of how stupid i am.

Ive done lots of stupid things years back when i was teenager. Sometimes i cant accept it and i wish i can go back to that time. And when i read back all my resolutions, i end up crying like hell cuz most of it never happen although im almost 23 yrs old now. I got goosebumps when i read it. I feel like it was yesterday everything happened. Time is running so fast i didnt realize it.

Sedih sgt bila life yg kita nak sgt when we're not teenagers, kita x dpt. I taught life will be so much better when we get older. Thats what i taught when i was teenagers. When i was in school. I said to myself, its okey. My life will be better any years from now. Its not like im not happy with what i have achieved so far but i feel like there are lots of things i didnt accomplish and i dont think i can anytime from now. Hmm, how?

I wanna play the guitar, the piano, the drum. Hmm, but i blamed myself. Aku ni nak mcm2 but i dont wanna work for it. Hmm, thats why la. Kalau betul2 nak, sure i'll work for it but aku ni kuat berangan je. How? But one thing for sure yang paling aku nak, aku nak travel all around the world but wheres the money la?? duit x de?? sape nak belanje? haha.


P/s : My diary collection dah bole buat library. Bila baca, seronok ada, sakit hati pun ada.....