Positive energy!

Last week, i dont know why. The moment i was driving my car back home last Thursday, i cried my eyes out thinking about my life. On that time, aku terfikir balik what kind of life im having right now. I've started comparing my life with others and i cried a river! Damn im so jealous with all the people who gets to live the way i want to live. On that night, i couldnt sleep. I cried again. Then suddenly, i dont know how it happened. I recall back what happened to me when i was 17.

Its not like i have a very rough terrible teenage years, but i have problem living on that time. Ade je yang x kena time tu. Hormones problem i guess. Well, aku teringat balik mase form 5 tu, i have trouble sleeping at night. Crying for no reason. Screaming like no one is hearing. But of course i screamed to my pillow so that nobody will wake up in the middle of the night. When im tired of crying, then only i can sleep. Its like something that i have to do at least once a week.

And now im almost 23 and im still crying at night for no reason. Its been almost 6 years. My life is still the same. Still a very unhappy girl. Then i said to myself, if i continue acting like this, by the time i turn 30, i will regret to the max thinking about the fact that ive wasted my life crying for not having the life that i wanted. So i guess, instead of waiting, i gotta start living. I mean, i gotta start loving the life that i have right now and stop comparing my life with others. I should just be happy for what i have got and not asking more than i should get.

The next morning, suddenly im cured!

Happy with what ive got or at least im trying to be happy. I gotta stop complaining cause it doesnt give me any good except it can harm me of course. So last weekend, i had a good time spending with my family and just be happy with my life. I even updated my facebook status saying that im wearing a new attitude. And i am! Its been 3 days now and i know that deep down i love this new attitude. I can actually overcome my insecurity, my jealousy and all the bad things that i possessed. Hopefuly this attitude will last long.

Before this, it really pissed me off when i saw how happy people are or how they pretended to be happy. Some of them looks like they never have any problem at all. Always posting a happy status, happy comments and pictures and i started to wonder whether it is true or they are just trying to portray to the world how happy they are even when they are not. It really bugs me. But then again, if we're not happy about something deosnt mean we have to show it to the world right? doesnt mean that we have to be angry at the world. Instead of blaming others, i prefer to blame myself and just move on.

Theres a saying that say you cant change your beginning but u can always make a good ending. I couldnt agree more. What done is done. Tomorrow is a gift that is waiting to be unwrap. All i want right now is just to be the best person i can be and just enjoy the journey and being happy. I know that obstacle will come eventually and i gotta face it no matter what. Maybe when u try to portray that you are happy even when you are not, i guess you will be happy eventually. Its not that bad right? Look at me now? Im not that happy but i will always try to remain positive and hope for the best. When you have a strong faith, i guess that will bring you happiness. At least a little.

Juz sing like no one is listening.

Juz laugh your ass off like no one is judging.

Sleep at night with a smile on your face.

Wake up in the morning with a positive energy to start the day.

Insyallah everything will be fine. Faith is like my bestfriend now. It keeps me grounded and i like it that way.

p/s : I know that one day it will be my turn to shine :)