What is the differences between patience and weak? Am i too weak or am i just that girl who is very patience when it comes to bullying. As far as i can remembered, ever since i was in standard 1 back in 1994, aku dah mmg kene buli. Not a physical attacks kindda thing. More like a mental attack. At first, i can take it but then lama-lama simpan, mmg nak pecah kepala otak ni. I have no idea where i got this strenght to remain calm.
The worse is when is was in high school. Mase form 2, ade la this one girl mmg kuat gile buli aku. Masuk class aku then dgn slambe rampas my pencil case and amik all my color pens buat harta sendiri. And i didnt say a word to her. Dia buat harta sendiri plak tu. Mmg teruk. Kat sekolah pon, ramai yg ckp aku ni nerd, i need to grow up and so much more and aku just telan semua apa org ckp and buat bodo but the truth is, balik rumah dalam bilik conteng diari sambil nangis to the max! Aku x pernah nak lawan balik ckp diorg.
Mase kat skolah menengah, mmg ramai yg buli and pandang rendah kat aku. Semua take advantage of me and i still didnt said a word. Ade this one girl ni ckp, i really need a makeover so that guys will like me. My first boyfriend is Haziq. I was 15 that time and so does he. But manage to stay together for 7 months only. When i was still with him, aku asyik tanye je, what makes him like me? I taught everyone said that im ugly. But i never have the guts to ask him obviously. But now after we broke up, we still remain friends and theres nothing wrong if i ask him now right? And he said that, im not ugly. Then why my friends said so?
At first i taught, get over it. Masuk je uia i taught, i wanna start a new life with new friends and no one can say bad things to me. Mule2 mmg ok, then lama2 aku dapat rasa byk kawan2 aku yang amik kesempatan dgn my condition ni yang x pernah nak bantah ckp org. Paling aku x suke bile org guna kan aku untuk kesenangan sendiri. Sekali dua bole la tahan but kalau dah depend sgt dgn aku sape tahan? Tapi aku x pernah ckp sepatah pun nak lawan balik.
Mase dah nak start final exam, baru la terhegeh2 nak call or sms me asking for notes yang aku buat. Every subject aku mmg akan buat mind map and my personal notes cause i can study much better that way and my friends ni pon tau pasal tu. Thats why semua cari aku nak kan the notes. Mmg la org ckp jgn kedekut ilmu, tapi kalau ye pon try la blaja dulu, then kalau x paham baru la mintak notes aku or mintak aku ajarkan.
But then, diorg ni prefer jalan pintas nak senang. Sehari nak exam baru nak cari aku. Study pon belum terus free2 nak mintak notes kat aku. Kot lah nak belanja makan or even say thanks but nothing! Every semester buat mcm tu. Class pon suke ponteng then suruh aku sign kan their attendance. Aku mmg x suke. Kalau betul2 sakit x pe la, i totally understand tapi kalau overslept x bole la. Aku pon x cukup tidur tapi pakse jgk diri dtg class. Then bile dah x dtg, aku jgk yg nak kene explain homework semua. Im not their personal assistant tau.
Too bad, i have no guts to say it right in front of their faces. Lepaskan kat blog je la. Some people said that aku ni terlalu lemah smpi org pijak kepala aku. Or maybe aku ni jenis yang penyabar? Aku x tau. One thing yang aku asyik fikir skrg, mcm mane bile aku dah start keje nnt? Am i going to face the same situation too? I cant take it anymore la. Kalau kat tempat kerja pon kene jgk then how? I need to step up for myself sometimes but im too little to speak out and yes i am coward!
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