Why on earth?

Why on earth Mass Comm students especially Electronic Media students have to take statistic? Dah ade teknologi canggih, why still nak merangkak kira2? Dah ade spss yang bole calculate all quetions, why we still need to know the formula and calculate ourselves? It doesnt make any sense! Kalau budak yang suke maths, in love with maths, wanna have sex with maths, to that extend confirm akan debate balik my statement here kan? G mampos lah. I really hate maths. Its totally not my thinggy.

Im takin statistics this sem and this is the subject that i cant study alone! I need sumone to guide me and i kindda dont like it. I prefer to study alone but kalau blajar statistic sorang2 mmg confirm fail lah aku! I feel like i dont get anything from taking statistics. I mean, ape kene mengena statistic and my passion towards script writing? Words and numbers. Its so obvious its two different thing! But i got no choice, cause its a course requirement bla bla bla....

I cant wait to get over statistic exam this coming thursday! Seriously! Its a gud thing that i changed course before. Dulu aku ni budak ICT. If i remain as ICT student, damn mmg aku dah hantok kapla kat dinding lah! Every sem deal with numbers! x tahan aku weyh. Some people said that maths is fun but to me maths is *&^%$!!!

But sumbody told me that statistic is very important if you wanna pursue your study to master in overseas. That is one of the subjects that they will look for, so i have to get good grade for statistic even when i hate it so much! I might wanna continue my study later, or not! I dont know but who knows what future got for me so amik je la kan subject yang aku x suke ni just for future sake!

Aku mmg x minat betul la nak blaja subject yang x de kene mengena dgn my dream job. But sumtimes people said that, you might end up become sumone else. I mean, belum tentu lg aku akan jadi script writer so these other subject might help me. Yeah.... have to agree with that. But still, why maths? Lain la kalau aku specialize in Organizational Communication. Students kat Aswara ade blaja maths ke?????

p/s : x pe wanie..... pelan2 kayuh katenye....

Wishful Thinking? I hope not.

Is it too hard for me to be more simple and beautiful from the inside? I've been questioning myself a lot lately. Sometimes the things that i hate in people is actually living and growing inside of me. Is it a wishful thinking if i say that i want to get rid of it? Life will be more simple and beautiful if everyone have a really good heart. Why i kept judging people when the truth is i hated when people judge me too? What is wrong with me?

Why cant i be more happier for my family and friends? Why im so selfish and self centered? What happened to me for the last few years? I kept telling myself that for months! I kept wishing and hoping that tomorrow will be a better day for me. Tomorrow i will be a better person than yesterday but i end up become worse.

I believe everyone wants to be a better person everyday. Gotta be stronger to put all those negative things away and start gaining your positive side because i believe that everyone is actually nice but this cruel world make us change. Damn i hate that!

To all my friends, i just wanna say that im so sorry if i hurt your feelings and if i talked behind your back. But deep inside, i love all of you like i love myself. You guys have put colors to my life whether its dark or white, i still love you guys cause you guys used or once make me smile, and im so sorry if i have done anything that might hurt your feelings. Why cant we just be like when we're little kids before? So happy and not being judgemental? Life is so much simpler back then.

Stupid assumption

For my script writing class, aku kene buat satu interview and its a group project. We have to choose a topic. Any topic and we must interview someone who is expert in that field. Its a 10 marks project so agak byk la kan. My mid term is ok but still i really want to score for this subject so agak la bersungguh2 buat project ni. My group members are Echah, Amni and Fadly. At last kitorg pilih tajuk Quality of IIUM Communication Students. We decided to interview Dr Baiduri who is the Dean of Communication Department, Prof Yusof and Dr Saodah. Kiranye org2 kuat kat department la.

Kitorg prepared 5 questions. And questions tu is about the quality of IIUM Communication student, why people underestimate comm student from UIA and we are also questioning about the facilities provided here in IIUM. Is it good enough? These are the questions that we want to asked the lecturers. My group member dah interview Dr Baiduri and i cant join them because on that time i got class. Tomorrow plak nak interview Dr Saodah.

Pagi tadi, all of us pergi interview Prof Yusof. Dia ni kira moyang kat comm department la cause all lecturers comm pernah jadi student dgn Prof Yusof ni. I was the moderator for this project and when i asked him about the facilities and why people underestimate comm student here in UIA, dia mcm tak puas hati plak. Aku mcm dah cuak. Suddenly dia tanye based on what kita buat fakta mcm ni? Ha, ape aku nak jawab weyh? But its true. Slalunye org slalu pandang tinggi budak2 comm from Uitm Shah Alam. Thats what i said to him. Skalinye dia jawab balik ha amik kau! Macam2 dia bg point nak prove kan yang UIA is way better than Uitm Shah Alam.

Aku pon at first assumed mcm tu jgk. Dulu pon aku giler sgt nak masuk uitm shah alam cause i taught kat sane offered the best for comm student. Tapi dapat uia plak. But after the interview, aku mcm bangga plak jadi student comm kat uia. Haha. Prof Yusof mmg explain good enough la why uia is better. In terms of everything. First, uia is international university and the course and subjects offered pon ikut international level. For example Statistic, Research Method and Comm Theory. Dia ckp kalau score subject2 ni senang giler la nak continue Master kat overseas. Even when your cgpa is lower than 3.0. Then dia ckp, uitm shah alam ade 5 labs only and uia ade 7 labs. UIA is well known in foreign countries and byk yang nak hantar students studies kat sini. Ramai grads from uia now dah jadi diplomats in their countries. Dekat Uitm Shah Alam, x de lansung lecturer comm yang bertaraf proff. Kat uia ade je. Mcm2 lagi lah dia ckp tadi. Agak tergamam la aku. Seriously my assumption sgt salah for all this while! Haha. Bagus jgk kitorg pilih tajuk ni. Terbuka mata sikit. Kalau x asyik nak kate Uitm Shah Alam je bagus.

Tomorrow nak interview Dr Saodah. Maybe she will add more to this. I cant wait to hear the result of the project. Hehe. I still dont know nak continue study or not cause so far i have no experience at all working so mcm x sabar2 jgk nak start kerja. Maybe lagi dpt byk experience bila dah kerja. Tapi continue study pon ok jgk. We'll see la mcm mane nnt. So far, cant decide yet!

Judging!

Its true that we cant avoid judging others. But sometimes ape yang kita judged at first to bole jadi salah. Including me. I hate it when people judged me and called me names! Hmm, but too bad sometimes i end up being one of them. I also tend to judged others based on their character and personality. But later bila dah kenal, their true colors revealed. Not like what i was expected. Funny huh? Is it just me or everyone pon mcm tu jgk?

Its been about 3 years im in UIA and yeah i judged people a lot! Surprisingly, semua nye x betul! Ade la satu girl ni kuat giler melaram and cantik2 lah. Mmg jenis yang jaga penampilan betul. At first i taught Omg! giler lah minah ni. Poyo betul nak dressing smpi mcm ni. And i taught confirm this girl type yang sombong giler but i was wrong! After dah kenal dgn dia ni, i asked myself again, why i hated her at first? Theres nothing wrong with her. She's being herself and aku susah kat mane? Then i taught, maybe i was a little jealous of her. Not because she is beautiful which she is but i envy her high level of confidence. Like she doesnt care at all about what others think of her. I wish i have that kind of confidence! Really! And this other girl, omg i hated her so much because i think she is so fake and i dont know how to describe her. Im kind of not comfortable when im with her and at last, she's fine. She's being herself. Totally herself and she doesnt afraid to show the world who she really is! And i asked myself again, why dulu aku x suke dia? Dia x pernah pon cari gadoh dgn aku. Geleng kepala je aku bile aku pike balik perangai aku ni.

And, kalau kat UIA biasa lah, kalau girl yang pakai tudung labuh2 ni confirm kite dah set dlm kapla otak kite ni yang diorg ni mesti baik, alim. Aku pon sometimes mcm tu jgk. Kalau tudung labuh je confirm baik lah ni. Tapi rupenye suka tgk ceite American Pie! Haha! Ape cite weyh? Aku ingat org mcm ni tgk ceite Nur Kasih je. Haha. Seriously after this, i wont judge people based on what they wear or their personality cuz inside them its totally different color. Aku x terkejut pon kalau ade minah yang tudung labuh tapi jarang semayang. And aku x terkejut pon kalau ade punk girl jaga semayang. To me, semua orang sama je. Konon nye yang melainkan kita ni pakaian tapi salah! Dalam hati x de sape yang tahu. Lantak lah ape org lain nak buat, kite susah kat mana? Just be friends with everyone and put in your mind that everyone is equal.

Pelan-pelan kayuh

Lately i've been using that quote a lot. Haha, seriously im trying to calm myself. Byk giler kerja for this sem and as usual, dah jadi habit aku untuk buat kerja last minute. I dont know what is my problem because every new semester, azam konon x nak tangguh kerja but sekerat jalan je lah. In the middle of semester dah mula dgn perangai lama balik.

This semester im taking statistic yang terkenal dgn byk kerja. Haha. Yeah and last nite for the first time im wearing baju kurung smpi kul 2 pagi! Baju tu aku pakai dari pagi tau. Tu nak menunjukkan mmg kerja aku byk sgt. Yesterday, my class started at 12 smpi 1.30 tapi class tu cancel then bagus la bole buat stats assignment yang kene submit today. I taught bole la siap kan but x siap2 jgk. At 2pm i got my arabic class until 3.30 then continue lagi buat stats assignment until 5 cuz pukul 5 aku ade class lg until 6.30. Then after my class finished, i have to study cuz i got a mid term exam at 8.30 so aku stay je lah kat cafe sorang2 smpi kul 8. Dinner pon sorang je sambil study all my notes. Nasib la dah prepared the notes earlier. Exam start at 8.30 but i have to go early cause i have no idea where is the venue. Nasib la dpt jumpa on time.

The format for the exam is true and false questions and overall 20 question so dpt la aku siapkan 30 minutes only. Then aku terus g discussion dgn my friends cause assignment stats ni x habis2 lg. Berejam kot nak siapkan smua padehal 10 marks je. Busy mcm nak dpt 30 marks je. At last siap jgk and i reached my room safely around 2am. Kat bilik pon aku x terus tido cause i have to touch up the assignment so nampak lagi kemas. Omg i hate maths, i hate numbers, i hate calculations! Seriously x de interest lansung. Finally dpt jgk tido around 4 am padehal class the next day start at 8.30. Nasib la dpt bangun. Thanx to Erin for waking me up.

Byk betul keje this month. Lepas raya mmg all out lah. Kerja all the time. At this time ade lagi 5 more assignments to go before final starts in November. Hopefuly my cgpa naik la sket this sem. Cant believe i only got 2 more long sem to go then habis officially. Sekejap je. Aku suke betul gune kan that quote 'Pelan2 kayuh'. I think its true. Kalau byk kerja, buat slow2 and relax pon bole siap jgk instead of giving up terus kan. Kalau mase kat matric dulu, everytime when theres a lot of work to do and when i feel like i cant take it anymore, aku give up terus. Just like that. But i got my lessons already so i dont want to repeat the same mistakes again so i kept telling myself that buat kerja sikit2, lama3 bole habis. So actually, i think even when this sem byk kerja, aku x pernah rase setenang mcm ni. X de rase serabut sgt kepala otak. Ade la once in a while but x lah smpi teruk sgt smpi nak nangis.

So basically, im proud of myself. I can say that i changed a lot compared to myself mase kat matric dulu. Mase kat matric dulu, i dont care at all about my cgpa. I never try my best mase kat sane. But now bile dah masuk main camp and bile dah nak habis study, i do care about my cgpa and so on. I will always try my best to be the person i can be and if the result is just so-so then i think its ok cause i know that i have put my efforts to it. So i dont really feel that bad. Its not like im so nuts about getting all A's in my exam. I do target for an A but if i got B then i just accept it. Its not the end of the world. Its just the beginning. Am i right? So lets pelan2 kayuh together and hopefuly i will reach the destination where i want to go.

Regret????

Thats what i've been feeling lately. Yesterday aku register subject for new semester and i realized that i only have to complete another 7 subjects for course subject out of 24. Omg, i feel like it was yesterday i decided to major in Mass Comm and now dah nak habis ? Time is running so fast! Haha, dulu2 complain rase mcm lambat sgt nak grad but now rase mcm kejap plak.

Its not like i love UIA that much smpi nak sedih mcm ni, but yang aku regret sgt skrg ni cuz i feel like i didnt get that much knowledge here in UIA. Dulu2 aku study just for the sake of getting good grades and just for attendance. I dont really understand what i memorized before so whats the point of getting good grades right?I cant recall back what i have learn years before when i first entered UIA. Maybe i can recall a bit but most of the knowledge that i've learned smua hilang!

Rase mcm nak amik balik subject yang aku dah amik tu. Tapi kalau buat mcm tu confirm berjanggut la nak tunggu grad kan. This is why sometimes student yang dapat cgpa gempak pon susah nak dapat kerja or tak tau nak buat kerja. Its because they dont know how to apply it practically what they have learned and they cant remember any of it. Gosh im so scared to death! Bulan May next year,i'll start my practical and i dont know if i can handle it that well or not. I guess im not comfortable leaving my comfort zone and start a new life maybe? Working life. Omg! That is so bizzare! Beyond me. I've never work before. I have zero experience working with anyone. Hopefuly everything is going to be fine.