I love my so - called friends!

Friends. What is the first thing u think when you heard this word? I have no idea. People said that everyone needs a friend and i couldnt agree more. But what if your so called friends keeps hurting you and drivin you nuts! Not only that, they also teased you and looked down to you and they just remember you when they're having a problem. Hmm, what kinds of problem? Boy problem!

I dont know what was i thinking. I still have no idea why aku still kawan dgn minah2 mcm ni. We were friends for years and terlalu byk kenangan aku dgn diorg ni. We laughed like hell everytime we met! We grew up together and we see the world together. But when times past by, as people always said, people change. Sometimes i dont even know them. Sometimes im still searching for my friends that i used to love in them but everytime when i did, they gave me more reason to hate them! But i cant. They are still my friends. My bestfriends. Or is it?

I keep asking myself lately, why i still want to be their friend? Why i still wanna meet them? I guess i have strong faith in everything. I always hope that one day they will just stop hurting me and become the girl i used to know years ago. I miss that girl. Not the ego self centered biatch they have become now.

Sometimes i wonder what i have done to make them treating me this way? Aku pernah sakitkan hati diorg ke? Or maybe aku x perasan. I dont know. But no matter what, i have tried to be nice with them. In fact when they need someone to talk to and when they were having problems, they asked me to call them and i did. Well i know its not right because she is the one who needs to talk to me and why the hell i have to call them? Exactly! Thats what i did just to show them that i do care about them and hoping that they could do the same things for me. But everytime when we meet up, they always tease me and hurt me like usual. Everytime when i met them i hope that they will change and we will have so much fun spending time together but at the end of the day, i end up crying on the way back home.

The same things will happen again when they have the problem and i will call them. And when we planned to meet up, they're still with their attitude that driving me crazy! But the thing is, i cant get enough of them. They are my friends for years! They can make me cry and also they can make me laugh like hell and i like it that way! Why cant they just make me laugh instead of making me cry? Is it because im wearing tudung? Maybe they think that when im wearing tudung i looked like mak cik. I never judged them on what they were wearing but why they keep teasing me? Is it because im short, im fat, im wearing tudung? Is this the reason?

Once me and my friend were in Zara in Mid Valley. I never shop at Zara before. Aku tak pernah beli baju kat Zara, Topshop, Doroty, Forever 21 and stuff because i usually beli kat jusco je. Me and my friend tgh tgk2 baju kat Zara that time and a few girls entered Zara. Rupenye all that girls is kawan member aku ni. They looked kindda hot la jgk. I mean sexay. Then one of the girls asked my friend 'U datang dgn sape?' and my so-called friend said 'I dtg dgn my friend, dia kat belah sane'. I was standing exactly next to her actually but i pretend i didnt heard it and just buat2 tgk baju. I couldnt get it. Why dia x nak mengaku aku kawan dia? Is it because im not up to date and maybe something wrong in the way i dress? I almost cry when she did that. I cant believe what she did to me. It hurts so much!

But when we were on the phone, i love talking to them. They make me laugh. Maybe thats why i am still being friends with them. No matter what they did to me, i dont know how long i can stand this. It hurts so much. And i dont have the guts to fight back cause i really care about this friendship. I dont want just because of one stupid fight, it can ruin everything that we had since we were young. I love them and i really hope that one day the will realize. Im still here for them if they need a shoulder to cry on and if they dont want to admit me as their friends, then it is fucking ok because i already used to it. If i was the one who want to meets them so badly but they give me all kinds of excuse not to, then what other choice do i have? I sill love them. What we had shared and what we had is so precious. Why cant they just call or sms me first? Why do i have to start everything? I dont think they care about me the way i care for them.

Well maybe in my case, i love friends who added a bright spot and also a dark spot to my life. Its a blend of black and white that it will become grey. Im okey with it.